My girls and I circa 1998

The Mother’s Day celebration was started nearly 150 years ago by an Appalachian homemaker named Anna Jarvis.  She organized a day to bring awareness of the poor health conditions in her community and called it “Mothers Work Day.” It has now become a hugely commercialized, money making event.

 According to a survey on Statistic Brain:

• The total amount spent on Mother’s Day cards is $671 million.
• Average amount of money the average person will spend on their mother is $126.90.

 Retail establishments are not the only ones cashing in.  According to the National Restaurant Associate, more than one-quarter of Americans will dine out and another 10% will get take out or delivery.

 Mother’s Day is meant to be a day to thank the person who gave us life — or if you were anything like me growing up, it’s a day to celebrate the person who reminded me on a daily basis that she could also take that gift of life away!  However, Mother’s Day can also lead to some interesting etiquette questions, such as:

• Do I have to buy my step-mom a gift?
• Do I have to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law?
• Do I celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom or my children?

 Here are a few tips to keep in mind;

1. Although Mother’s Day is to recognize our mothers, it is also a time to remember and thank the other women in your life who you have a special bond with, an aunt, a neighbor, even a friend’s mom.
2. If you have not done so already, make a reservation if you are planning on taking your mom out for brunch, lunch or dinner.
3. If you are taking your mom out to brunch, a popular choice, remember to leave a tip for the wait staff.   Even though you stand in line and get your own food, you need to remember the people who bring you your drinks, take away your used plates and pick up after you.  They deserve a tip.
4. Stepmothers count.  Some stepchildren have a great relationship with their stepmother while others do not.  Either way, you should still acknowledge her.  You could send her a card, or maybe take her to lunch.  It does not even have to be on Mother’s Day, especially if you are spending the day with your mom.  Also, you are being an excellent role model for your children by putting any ill feelings aside.
5. If you want to spend Mother’s Day with your mom and your husband wants the two of you to celebrate with his, then you should try to compromise.  You can either spend half the day with your mom and the second half with his, or you can divide and conquer.
6. Give mom a gift that she wants.  Whatever you decide to buy her, make sure it is within your budget.  If your family buys a family gift make sure that it is something that everyone can afford.
7. Carnations are generally given on Mother’s Day because white carnations were Anna Jarvis‘ favorite flower.
8. Lastly, don’t wait until Mother’s Day to tell your mom that you love her.  It always means more to call your mother and tell her you love her on a normal day than it does on a birthday or Mother’s Day when it is expected. 

Manners are a lost art in today’s society because children are spending more and more time in front of their televisions and their computers and losing out on social interaction. What these teens do not know is that good manners are a skill that can provide an advantage in the business world as well as in their daily life.

This 3 day workshop begins April 2, 2013

Session 1:

About the Presenter, Jules Hirst:

Etiquette Expert Jules Hirst president of Etiquette Consulting, Inc. She offers workshops on a variety of business, social and dining etiquette topics and is a contributing author of The Power of Civility. Jules has been interviewed by and quoted in a variety of media including NBC Nightly News, ABC World News, San Diego Tribune, Yahoo Shine, The Smart Show, KNX AM 1070 and Bravo T.V.. Visit her webiste @ www.juleshirst.com. Tweet her @Etiquette411 

Today I had the privilege of speaking to reporter Adriene Hill of the Maketplace on manners and the business meal, along with the audio clip that aired earlier today on KCRW she also wrote the following.  Enjoy.

*President Obama isn’t just sitting at conference tables with Republicans in Congress these days, he’s sitting down at the dinner table. In fact, this week he dined with a group of senators for a business dinner to discuss the budget.

Now, a business dinner is an opportunity to get to know each other, to talk business in a social setting, to make an impression. But as anyone who’s sat down for one of these meals knows, there’s all that food on the table. How do you avoid botching lunch? Marketplace’s Adriene Hill met up with Jules Hirst of Etiquette Consulting, Inc. for a one-on-one lesson.

1. Always follow your host’s lead.  Put your napkin in your lap after they put their napkin in their lap.  Order food in the same price range as the food that they order.
2. The fold of your napkin should go toward you.
3. Order a food that is easy to eat.  Ribs are a bad choice.
4. Eat before you go out to lunch.  You don’t want to scarf your food during the interview or meeting.  You want the focus to be on the conversation, not the food.
5. If your host orders alcohol, you may order alcohol.  But know yourself well enough to know whether or not it’s a good idea to drink it.
6. Wait until your host starts to eat before you start to eat.
7. If your host asks a question just as you take a bite of food, politely indicate with your fingers that you will talk as soon as you have swallowed.
8. Don’t correct someone else’s manners at the table.
9. If you have called the meeting, you should pay.  Instead of waiting for the bill to come to the table, step away to the restroom, hand your credit card to the waitstaff and ask them to add a 20 percent tip.
10. Write a thank you note.

About the author

*source: marketplace.org
*written by: Adriene Hill

Are you excited to be losing an hour of sleep?

Although losing an hour of sleep may not be welcomed, a 1976 study conducted by the US Department of Transportation (DOT) found that by springing forward we actually save 1% on energy costs.  The National Bureau of Standards reviewed the DOT study and found no significant savings.  In the end does it matter?  We still have to set our clocks an hour ahead before we go to bed if we want to be on time today.

Is Spring Cleaning in your future?

It’s that time of year again where we clean our homes from top to bottom, which traditionally occurs on the first warm days of the year — typically spring.  I don’t know about you, but I barely have time to do light cleaning let alone cleaning my home from top to bottom.  So I asked my good friend, Veronica Corona, CEO of CM Cleaning Solutions, Inc, for advice on cleaning when you have a tight schedule.

• Pace yourself: Most homes will not be cleaned in one afternoon.  A truly deep clean will take 2–6 hours per area.
• Make it fun and memorable: Fun, upbeat music and a healthy dose of utter silliness go a long way to keeping you energized and on task. To engage kids, try decorating broom handles with streamers, don special party hats, use funny voices, or tell silly stories as you work. Or throw a cleaning party with a special meal to celebrate when you’re done. Don’t forget to open windows and doors if the weather is nice. You’ll not only air your home out, but you’ll also increase your own fresh air intake, which will increase your energy and mood.
• Create your own checklist: (or you can download this one) The best way to do this is to break down your areas to clean into sections (master bedroom, bathroom, closet, kitchen, pantry, etc). Then break down each section into individual tasks that need accomplishing in each room (dust fans, clean windows, wash sheets, etc). Once you have a checklist, estimate how much time it will take you to accomplish each task. Then as you work on each task, write down the actual time it took you to finish the task. This will help you to estimate the same tasks in other rooms and adjust your schedule accordingly.

 CM Cleaning Solutions, Inc. provides janitorial services for commercial and medical office buildings and retail centers in the counties of Los Angeles, Orange and the Inland Empire.  You can reach them at 310– 933‑1735.

Here are a few things you should also do.…

1. Check and replace the batteries in your smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.

2. Go through your disaster supply kit.  Make sure you have plenty of food, water, batteries and blankets.  If you don’t have a disaster supply kit, now is the perfect time to start one.

3. Check and discard expired medications.

Don’t get too use to Daylight Savings Time, we fall back on November 3, 2013.

Happy Spring,

Etiquette Consulting Inc

In my etiquette workshops, I stress the importance of being aware of body language. These days every phone is equipped with both a video and still camera, so you never know who might be looking, recording or snapping pictures of you and your actions.

Case in point, at Monday’s post-inaugural luncheon, First Lady Michelle Obama was caught rolling her eyes at Speaker John Boehner.  Although there is no audio of what was said, it has been speculated that it was a joke about The President not being able to smoke.  Nevertheless, rolling your eyes is not a becoming gesture for anyone, especially for a First Lady.

Here are three things to keep in mind while dinning with others:

1.  When eating, keep pace with others at the table.

2.  Use good posture.  Do not slouch.

3.  Be aware of your body language — rolling your eyes,  elbows on the table, etc.

The first rule of the office holiday party is attendance is mandatory

.  Even if you hate the holidays or hate parties, this is a business opportunity that can’t be missed.  As such, you need to step outside your normal group of co-workers and talk to as many people as possible.  Your next opportunity for advancement may be right around the corner and the more people who know you the better your chances.

Although you are working the room for a promotion, make sure to keep the “shop talk” to a minimum.  This is your opportunity to learn about the people you work with.  Find out what their holiday plans are.  Ask about their kids.  Talk about movies, sports or travel plans.  As with any function, keep away from the traditional conversation no-no’s — sex, religion and politics.

Finally, here are some obvious tips that need to be repeated because people make these mistakes every year.  Don’t drink too much.  Don’t flirt with your co-workers.  Dress appropriately – this is still a work function.  Make sure to say hi to your boss, so that he/she knows you were there.  Also, don’t leave too early – you send the wrong signal that your life is more important than spending time with your co-workers.  Nobody wants to work with someone like this.

Following these tips, should help you successfully navigate your office holiday party and maybe your wish for the corner office will soon come true.

When it comes to holiday cards, a personal touch is always appreciated.  You want to thank your colleagues and clients for their patronage during the year.  The best way to do this is to put forth the personal effort to show them that you do appreciate them.

As such, take the time to hand write everything.  Hand write a personal note on the card.  Hand write the envelope.  Even if you hire someone to do this for you, handwriting shows an effort that far surpasses sticking a label on an envelope or having a card pre-printed to save you time.  These little things matter and people notice them and will appreciate your extra effort.

You also should try to avoid email holiday greetings.  Technology has come a long way and some of these holiday emails are quite entertaining, however, after they are watched, they are deleted.  A holiday card has more staying power and can be a constant reminder of the work you do.

Finally, you want to send out your cards as early as possible.  The end of the year is usually most people’s busiest time and people leave for vacation towards the end of the year.  The sooner you can get your card out the better chance you can have a lasting impression on your audience.

1. Receiving gifts you don’t like – Have a conversation with your children about “good manners” before the holiday season.  You might even practice with them or example, “your aunt Beth gives you a new jacket, but you were hoping for the newest x-box game”  remember to say a sincere “thank you” followed by a hug and kiss

2. Writing good thank you notes (how fast should you send them, what should be included, is email OK or no) – This is a perfect time to teach your children to write thank you notes… even if they do not yet know how to write.

If children do not write; then they can draw a picture of the item or the child using the item and the parent can assist them with writing the to and from

For youth and teens:  the note should include, what they were given and how they plan on using it

3. Table manners at parties (handling food you don’t like, not chewing with your mouth open, etc.)

Hopefully your children have the basic table manners.. come to the table with clean hands, using utensils not their hands to eat, saying please and thank you etc., but along with the basic skills  children and teens should also be taught:

• Wait until everyone is served before eating
• If there is something on the plate or if they tasted something they do not like.. DO NOT make a face or begin to complain simply don’t eat it.
• No toys, books or cell phones at the table
• Laying their napkin on their lap
• Chew with your mouth closed

And parents the no cell phone at the dinner table… applies to you as well.

4.  Talking to relatives and family friends politely (not interrupting, good questions to ask)

Remember to make eye contact when speaking to relatives. Also, keep the technology in your pocket, purse, backpack or at home.  If you are having a conversation with your aunt then she should get your full attention

5. Dealing with multiple hugs and kisses – When talking to your kids about “good manners” and what is expected of them when they receive a gift they do not like, this is also a perfect time to explain to them their relatives will be happy to see them and we should acknowledge them with a hug and or a kiss.  Remind kids not to make faces or roll their eyes whenever an adult extends their arms for a hug or grandma approaches you with a kiss to the check

Remember to remind your kids what the Holidays are about and it is not just about gifts.  And remember as the parent/adult to be a good role model.  Yes, if you expect your children to display good manners then it first must come from you.

Photo property of Getty Images

On November 29, 2012, Mr. Romney will join the President for a private lunch at the White House.  Yesterday, I had the honor of speaking to KNX 1070 radio regarding etiquette tips for how both men should conduct themselves. Here is what we discussed, as well as other things to keep in mind.

Hostess Gift

Whenever you are a guest, you should always show up with a gift for your host.  In this case, Mr. Romney could bring a book, or a framed picture of himself like the Queen of England did in 2009.  Whatever he decides, he should keep in mind that this may be displayed in President Obama’s presidential library one day.

Small Talk

I’m sure they both have plenty to talk about, but they should each have a few topics prepared so when the conversation comes to a silent patch then they will have something to bring up.  The President should refrain from reminding Mr. Romney that he won re-election and Mr. Romney may not want to mention any plans on a new elevator for his cars, and, as funny as this may sound, should avoid political topics, especially since this lunch takes place at the White House with the President of the United States.

Toasting

It is customary to make toasts at meals, but here are a few things to keep in mind:

1.  A guest does not make the first toast, the host does.
2.  When the host makes a toast, he should refrain from making fun or embarrising his guest.
3. A person who is on the receiving end of the toast never drinks to himself, but instead may respond back with a toast to his guest.

Thank You Note

A guest, in this case, Mr. Romney should follow up with a thank you note to the President thanking him for a wonderful time even though it may not have been.

Manners is about making the other person feel comfortable.  If Mr. Romney and President Obama keep this in mind, I have no doubt their first encounter after a heated election will go off without a hitch.

Here is a great video by Australia’s top entertaining experts revealing their dinner party success secrets.

Today, people air their dirty laundry on Twitter and the sexes are relatively equal in relationships and business.

You can no longer be sure whether you’ll be scoffed at or thanked for opening a door for a woman.

But that doesn’t mean manners have no place in the modern world – in fact, if you want to make a good impression, etiquette is still the best way.